Marriage

When Love, Marriage and Money Come Together

Often, problems ensue when two spouses have different financial expectations going into the marriage. Finances can become especially troublesome in marriages where the spouses already have financial obligations from prior relationships. The situation becomes even more complicated when new spouses are forced to deal with divorce, child support, alimony payments, and child visitation. Problems can arise, for example, if a person who's paying child support expects a new partner to contribute more for household expenses; that may come as an unpleasant surprise to the new partner.

Divorce terms vary greatly. Each partner's circumstances should be fully discussed early in the relationship and certainly before any remarriage. Be open regarding the obligations you have with your former spouse-both financial and otherwise.

New spouses are not legally obligated to support stepchildren, but their lives will certainly be affected by their spouse's ongoing financial commitments to the former family.

Partners can become bitter when their spouses pay large sums of money to their former family while the new household is left with only a fraction of that amount.

It's important to discuss money matters and obligations openly. You'll want to know how much support is being paid or received, how long it will last, and what future commitments have been made.

Make a list of financial goals for the new family, and share your ideas on how you will work to achieve them. Parents should talk to a professional regarding updating their wills. You should also check the beneficiaries on your life insurance policies, retirement plans, and RRSPs.

Communication is the best way to resolve conflicts over money with your partner. Both partners need to share power and decision-making, even if one party thinks he or she is better at investing or managing money. An unequal marriage is less likely to succeed.

Here are some tips to improve communication about financial matters:

1. Discuss your concerns, but do not confront or criticize your spouse. Remember that you are a team.
2. If you have a concern, be specific about what's troubling you. Example: "I'm feeling concerned about the amount of money we're investing in risky stocks."
3. Try for a win-win resolution of all conflicts. You may find that your needs are different than those of your spouse; that doesn't mean they're mutually exclusive.
4. Lean to empathize with your spouse. Experts say this is the key to resolving conflict.

Tips for Blended Families:

Do

• Discuss expectations.
• Consider a prenuptial.
• Treat children equally.
• Set financial goals.

Don't

• Spoil your children.
• Compare "my children" and "your children."
• Fail to disclose your financial obligations.